Car scene A gold Ford Fiesta parks outside the Jack Pirtle's Fried Chicken Restaurant. Johnna Sparks and John-John Rubenfeld are negotiating whether or not to eat in the restaurant this particular Sunday afternoon. Johnna SparkS is a big busty woman in her mid 30's. She has just finally finished her transitional operations and processes into fully becoming a woman. She is a performance artist at a local gay bar. she has big red hair (most of the time) and often adjusts her boobs and make up and checks herself in the mirror. John John is a normal looking precocious 10 year old boy who also happens to be a bit of a germ-a-phobe. He is very shy and timid and has blond hair. Int: Car It is 3'oclock on a Sunday afternoon. Johnna is trying desperately to get John John fed and off to his mother's house by 4. John John Dad!!! I'm hungry, and I have got to pee. Johnna checking her lipstick in the visor's mirror. Reaching into the glovebox, she pulls out a small airplane sized bottle of vodka and slyly puts it into her purse as she speaks I know sweetie! THAT is the reason that I brought you here. And, you have got to stop calling me Dad. John John but dad, Mom says... Johnna John john, I'm sure I know what your mother is meant for the best, but we have got to ALL start looking past the past. That is all it is. we have got to learn to accept the changes that have happened in our lives. I have learned to accept it, and soon you will too. if you can just at least try. Please? pirtles restaurant Int: Jack Pirtles The restaurant is glum, slow, old school country music plays in the background. The walls are lined with wood paneling from the mid 70's and softly the buzz from the florescent lights can be heard. Linda the counter girl is in her early twenties, she has thin stringy blonde hair and wears a topless maroonish brown tennis cap and polyester maroonish brown button up short sleeve shirt with the Jack Pirtles logo embroidered on the shirt pocket. She is friendly, but soft-spoken. She speaks with an Arkansas accent. Linda: Hi there, welcome to Pirtles Johnna: Well hello there! um.. (looking for a name tag) Linda! Oh HI LINDA! My son and I are here to get something to eat and I would like to get an orange juice. Linda: um.... Orange juice? Johnna: Oh yes, yes hon. fighting a nasty cold...um, could you just fill it to about an inch below the rim... I hate spills. Here's my cup. Johnna hands Linda her large styrofoam lidded cup with lipstick covered straw. Linda looks a little shocked, slightly smirks and proceeds to dump a plastic foil topped tub of orange juice into the cup Linda: And, what can I get for you to eat? Johnna: well, I'm not going to be eating, starve a cold you know! John John would like a basket of Chicken TENDERS and fries. Linda: one chicken finger basket John John: (interrupts) Dad... I mean...NOOOO... Johnna: Oh Linda, john would like to have the chicken TENDERS, not the chicken FINGERS basket. Linda: You mean...Oh... yes, one chicken tender basket. Did you want cole slaw John No ma'am. Just the fries. Linda: Okay, that's gonna be a sec, if you could just wait at the table I'll bring it out for you, did you want that for here or to go? Johnna: We are in a bit of a hurry, if you could just make it to go, thanks. Johnna and john sit down at the table while Linda prepares the food. Johnna is looking around for people as she slyly pulls the vodka from her purse, just as she is pouring it into the cup she is interrupted Pirtle's dining room John:(speaking loudly and from nowhere) DAADDDDDD!!! Johnna is startled as she is pouring the vodka into the cup, she jumps and misses the cup pouring about half of it onto the table. She reaches for the table tent and rakes the rest off the side of the table and into her cup John: I have got to go pee!!! at this point he is grabbing his crotch area trying to hold in any liquid that might escape freely into his pants. Johnna: Seriously, John john, you have got to quit calling me that. The restroom is right by the door. you are a big boy now! You can't expect me to hold it for you. John: But, you could at least go with me Johnna Oh please John... seriously? What do you think it would look like if a woman like myself came out of the restroom with you? You are totally gonna be fine, you are a big boy now. Remember? I'm always with you in spirit. Nobody is in there and there is absolutely nothing that is gonna happen to you. Your mother is going to make sure of that. John: You promise? Johnna: Of course baby, I promise! just as Johnna is saying this a short haired lesbian in her mid 20's with a sid vicious blue jean jacket and a leather spiked collar enters into the restaurant. she charges up to the counter. John is now on his way to the bathroom, still holding his crotch and repeating to himself "not gonna be anyone in there" "not gonna see any bugs" "not gonna pee myself" Pirtle's counter Lesbian Girl, you have some nerve! Linda: Me? What did I do? Who are you? Lesbian You been getting with my sissy!!! I knew there was something going on and then she admitted it. Linda She said she didn't want to be with you anymore! you aren't the kind... of girl... from around the counter Linda comes, just as John is making his way to the alley way where the fight ensues. Linda and the Lesbian are now on the floor kicking, pulling hair, screaming and calling each other obscenities hearing the ruckus and John starting to cry, Johnna jumps into action. Cut to slow motion sequence. Johnna is coming to the rescue of John. Her boobs are bouncing and she is straightening her wig as she barrels through the dining room and towards the counter. instrumental version of Fat Bottom girls is playing. Cut to fight scene pirtle's counter Johnna pushes the girls aside who are still fighting and pulling hair. she holds them up against the counter rail. Johnna: now go sweetie! Mommas not going to let anything happen to you. John passes by Johnna who is holding the girls (still kicking and fighting) so that he can pass. During the visit we see Johnna push the girls who are still shouting at one another, but not physically fighting. We see Johnna grab her drink. As John comes out of the bathroom. His mother is standing there waiting for him. We hear the beep of the timer signaling that his chicken is done. The lesbian is still trying to engage in physical fighting and Johnna steps in breaking the fight apart once again. Johnna: (speaking to the lesbian) Look girl, you gotta go before momma puts those teeth in the back of your head. (speaking to Linda) And, I told YOU we were in a hurry! now get back there and wrap those chicken tenders for us to go. beat And I'll take another orange juice, too. I distinctly feel a cough coming on as we speak! Car scene Int: Car, John and Johnna are in the car. John is reaching into the bag for his french fries and food. He places a napkin absurdly around his neck and begins to eat. Johnna has the styrofoam cup between her legs and is looking both ways before pouring another small vodka. Just as she seals the lid John turns to her John MOM A beat passes, during which we see Johnna realize that John has just referred to her as "mom." She smiles exaggeratedly and looks to john. Her eyes are gleaming Johnna Yes, honey? John That was awesome in there. Johnna Oh sweetie. Thank you. sometimes it just takes a real woman to handle girls like that. John Mom Johnna Yes sweetie. John Can we go to Chick Fil A next time? Johnna Sure sweetie. But, it's not open on Sundays. And, you know they hate the gays. John But, Mom, you aren't gay. You are a real woman. Johnna Awww sweetie. Momma loves you. End